Hang Up and Drive, Please!

Really, I just don’t get why drivers feel if they are on their phone all the laws of the road go out the window.

Take for example the four-way stop. Everyone has been managing this type of intersection quite well and following the road laws perfectly until now. Enter the phone hog. Because they are on their cell, no road laws pertain to them. As they come to a rolling stop, they nicely execute their turn without obeying the rules of the road. There is a near miss with the vehicle that really thought they were next and were already part way into the intersection only to find themselves looking at the side of a phone hog’s car. There is a short squeal of tires as they came to a sudden halt and the road hog sails through with no knowledge of the near calamity in their rearview mirror. Still talking on their phone, they roll on.

Next is the phone hog that tries to juggle the pen and paper as they take notes and drive with their knee. Giving the illusion of the game of bumper cars they hit the rumble strips on the side of the road and do a massive over correction which often results in them hitting the rumble strip on the center strip. Gripping the wheel with both hands, they lose their phone, pad and paper. For the next sixty seconds they regroup mentally and then you see their head disappear. Hmm….did they faint? Decide to take a nap? Or tie their shoe? Nope. They are searching for their appendage’s accessory. The Phone. When the head pops back up in triumph, you know the phone has been recovered, and so has the pen and paper. Now they can resume their dissertation or maybe continue to write the directions they need. Google maps or OnStar are a good alternative for directions but not in any way, shape or form does it give you the thrill of a carnival ride like talking on your phone, writing and hitting rumble strips. Eventually they turn off and you breathe a sigh of relief.

And of course we have the phone hog that is so engrossed with their conversation that the wild gestures and head banging moves takes precedent over watching the traffic semaphore. When the light turns green, they continue to gesture and forget their hands belong on the steering wheel propelling their car forward through the intersection in a timely manner. Finally someone in the line of cars begins to honk and others join. Soon the cars, motorcycles and air horns from semis make up the weird chorus trying to get the phone hog to cross the intersection. With a jerk and a slight sound of rubber hitting the pavement hard they are off racing onto to the next traffic light. Frequently they choose to display the fact they wear no ring on their middle finger.

Phone hogs come in all shapes and sizes not to mention various ages. You find them pumping gas with the phone clutched tightly between their shoulder and ear making the effort to pump gas a juggling act. The signs that are frequently displayed on the gas pumps stating cell phones should not be used while pumping gas is for the rest of the population. The reasoning behind this theory is the fact they are invincible and no self-respecting gas pump or nozzle would dare send up a spark which could encourage a flame to appear resulting in a fire and explosion. I tend to seek safer stations away from the phone hog and either try the station across the street or down the road.

Often you meet the phone hog taking the wide I-am-towing-a-bridge-behind-me turn. You know the one I mean, the one that needs three lanes to navigate a simple turn that should easily be completed using one lane. They grasp the wheel with one hand and try to turn their car with that hand by grabbing the wheel sharply and letting go, grabbing the wheel up high and cranking the wheel again, all the time widening the arc of the turn until they meet the shoulder and gravel flies. Meanwhile two lanes of traffic wait for this awkward ballet to conclude. Still glued to the phone, not one syllable has been missed in the conversation. However, the vocabulary used in the cars behind this widely executed turn is magnificent and strung together with bright scarlet threads.

At times you might meet the phone hog who has no idea what the double yellow line stands for and they pass going up hill, around curves and in high traffic areas. Chatting away they never see the white knuckled drivers beside them and rarely observe the dagger looks thrown their way.

And, last but not least, is the phone hog in the grocery line that wants the world to know how down trodden she is in her life. She is whining over the phone to someone rolling their eyes, that her husband left his whiskers in the sink this morning after he shaved, that the three year old got peanut butter all over the stove while trying to make her own sandwich, how horrible it was that her mom-in-law dropped in and offered to throw a load of laundry in for her. She wonders why the five year old decided to cut her own bangs and they need to decide who will take this demon child to finish the hair cut. She continues on that the ten year old tried to drown his six year old sister in the shower and the thirteen year old wants to go to her first dance next week and expects a three hundred dollar dress. His ex has the audacity to tell him the sixteen year old is staying with them for the week-end while she and the new hubby have a romantic getaway and the twenty-one year old wants to switch schools. Then she rambles on that her ex wants to change week-ends because he and his new honey have tickets to the Toby Keith concert. Another lane has opened up and you race to that cashier clutching your items in your arms. You realize you have now totally mashed your seven grain bread and broken two eggs. The yolk is dripping onto your flip-flops.

The phone has now given us permission to be rude whether out in public or driving on our country’s highways and byways. It has taught youngsters that manners are antiquated, a custom used in the past. We have let this little instrument take over our lives, interfered in the way we raise our children and changed the dynamics of family life.

I know I am guilty of many of these sins and it is hard to admit. Somehow we need to find a delicate balance between this tool that can be our friend or suddenly become a demon in our life.

Let’s try to put the phone down when we drive and use it at home only as a means to communicate when the need arises and not make it our lord and master.